Only That I Will

The most incredible thing happened today.

I woke up this morning feeling a little blue, my space was invading me. I told Michael as he was leaving for work, “I have to take control of this, before I go mad crazy.”

I have OCD.

Not enough to need medication (although that is debatable) but enough to go insane if not treated. (This would be the best form of torture on me, for sure.) Put me in a space with stuff everywhere, or in a room with a myriad amount of items out of place, and watch me deteriorate as I fall into a dark void of nothingness. As a child I remember arriving my friends homes, and before I could hunker down to play, I had to fix the space around me or die of suffocation.

And today it was becoming too much.

“I do not know how I will solve this problem, only that I will,” I kept saying to myself as I folded five loads of laundry in a sea of mayhem my two-year old daughter seemed to know nothing about. Since being in this apartment (our other one is on Airbnb) our toddler’s world is not set up yet, causing my OCD to creep in.

Only.

That.

I.

Will.    

This was my mantra, and will be for the entire year.

I can handle being in someone else’s chaos, but if I’m there longer than 24 hours, the encroaching feeling will begin to take over.

Its a crazy thing, I know. I try to understand it myself. But it’s a real thing. I’ve gotten better over the years and have learned to let go in many instances. Going back to school and writing has helped.

CUT TO driving to my storage unit in hopes of finding something organizational to cure my dark abyss, when I drive by the most adorable bookcase on the side of the road with a small note that reads, “FREE.” (Imagine two rows of spacious shelves, an ornate shabby chic design made of wood, all white-washed.)

In less than 10 min, and with the help of Lucy’s Aunt, my newfound treasure is in the SUV, ratchet-strapped down, and being driven straight home!

A tag on the book case reads $550.

A couple rearrangements of furniture and TWO HOURS LATER my apartment is back to its beautiful feng shui state, with me smiling blissfully. At least for now. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel! Do you know this feeling? The tiniest roadblocks can prevent us from accomplishing our goals, can’t they?

Move the roadblocks and we become free again.

The power of positive thinking is incredible!

All of Lucy’s toys have a place to go now, my desktop computer has an editing bay to call home, and my kitchen table is empty again! Thank you Universe, you were on our side today.

Back to writing I go.  🙂

xo,

AEJ

 

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